Allow me to explain myself.posted Apr 22nd 2008, 5:53PM
Mood: Melancholy
Music: Psychadelic Trip
I've been quite melancholy lately. I've taken a liking to the idea of the four humours.
I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday morning. I didn't like what I saw. I've been meaning to try to change [I]something about myself for a while was, but I haven't been able to put my finger on it. I found it - it's just me. The way I am, the way I do things; it doesn't help anybody. My words are coated in subtle meanings and it causes me more pain than pleasure, unfortunately.
I owe a few people a few apologies.
I messed up. Bad. I had sex with someone that wasn't someone I intended to be with. It seems as though that person was with some other people at the time. I feel dirty. I take showers, but the lament never quite comes off.
Yet another tie to a piece of literature, symbolic washing of hands.
I'm going to change everything. Well, not everything. I wouldn't want to be unintelligent or anything. It's one of the few things I've left to pride myself on.
I'm going to start wearing my glasses, more. I have a few artistic picture ideas, but I'm at a loss for models. The first one I have in mind is the one that resontaes most with my current lifestyle. It'll take a while to find a male and a female who are the ideals of "beautiful", however. As soon as I find them, I'll set to work.
I haven't decided yet what I plan to do with my life. That's fine with me, however. I'll take it all in stride.
I graduate this year. There are a few people I want to invite, if they'll show up. The way I figure, I should have at least one ticket leftover. That'll be enough.
I need to see some people face-to-face to apologize. I'm not sure exactly how it's going to go, but my hopes are that I get everything that I deserve.
I'm ready to face my life. I'm ready to grow up. I'm ready to leave the burden of my past self behind and become a new person with a new outlook.
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